14 Apr 2003 | Don Schenck said...

More. Forgive me, gang, for this personal use of this space, but this is the most tragic thing I've ever endured. We're a very close family, and this is just more than you can imagine.

I'll be back to my usual "ass" self soon -- I won't let you down. :-)

14 Apr 2003 | p8 said...

Don,
I'm truly sorry.
You have my condolences.

14 Apr 2003 | Toby said...

How horrible. I'm sorry for your loss, Don.

The cigar idea is appropriate. Whenever I see the Little Rascals, I think of my cousin Jimmy, who used to call me Spanky. Whenever I have a Nutty Buddy cone, I think of my grandmother, who used to buy me one from the corner deli on the way back from school. It goes on like that, life's a bittersweet thing, ya know?

14 Apr 2003 | Don Schenck said...

Toby, that's cool.

I'm fascinated by the linkage between events and our senses. You hear a certain song and bam, you're back in 8th grade.

Thanks, p8.

14 Apr 2003 | alisha said...

Im very sorry Don. Ive heard the hardest thing to endure is the loss of your own child. I imagine it to be painful beyond endurance. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to be there unconditionally for your brother and his wife. They will be needing all the support they can get and I found that it helps me with my own pain to be there for others in times like this.

14 Apr 2003 | Steve said...

Sorry to hear about your family's loss, Don. How terrible.

As for how to memorialize and mark the memory of your nephew, these things seem to have a way of finding their own answers. Whatever small thing you end up deciding to do - such as having that cigar - will end up developing its own signficiance and emotional impact.

I think the important thing to do when deciding to remember and honor someone is to do something enjoyable. I know that when I go, I'd want people to remember me by doing something they enjoy. What a better memorial than to have your memory sparked by partaking in something that the person likes doing?

14 Apr 2003 | fajalar said...

I am sorry to hear that, Don. If it would mean anything, pass my (and probably all of us) condolences along to your brother as well.

I haven't known many people who have died (but now know many people who are unfortunately sick), but I remember one friend every Saturday morning when I reach for the coffee mug he gave me about 10 years ago. It used to make me sad, but now it makes me happy (if that makes sense). I guess that means time heals...

14 Apr 2003 | Bill Brown said...

When we had a miscarriage after a long time of trying and a lifetime of infertility, my wife and I planted a rose bush in our backyard on the day she would have been born.

I look forward to years of watching it grow, a chance that I never had with our unborn baby.

14 Apr 2003 | Jonny Roader said...

Hell Don, I'm sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself and your family, yeah?

15 Apr 2003 | JFR said...

Don, I am truly very sorry for your loss. May you and your family find the love and strength to make it through this difficult time together. Press on.

My father passed last year. The last trip we took together was to
Text to link in Augusta, GA. After he passed, I vowed to attend every Masters in his honor. Sadly, I was unable to this year but by hell or high water attend next year.

15 Apr 2003 | Cindy said...

Don, continue to talk about it, encourage your entire family to continue to talk, to share memories and relish in the time that you all were able to spend with Harry.

People will feel awkward, and not know what to say, but honestly, the best thing is to continue to dialogue about every stinking little thing.

I lost my father, who also happened to be one of my dearest friends, very suddenly 5 years ago. As a 23 year old who was Daddy's Girl - it was a harsh blow. But I am so unbelievable thankful for every moment I had with him.

The Christmas just before Dad passed away, he and I put up his pathetic, 4 foot, artificial Christmas tree for the first time in 5 years. We laughed at the tackiness of the ornaments but found comfort in the glow of the lights together. This past Christmas I dug that tree out of storage and put it up for the first time since he died - 5 years ago. I scribbled the year on the shoe box that contained the ornaments, right under his handwriting from 1997. And I will continue to bring out that hideous little tree every five years and think of the amazing man that touched so many peoples lives.

My prayers are with you and your family.

16 Apr 2003 | indi said...

So sorry to hear about your loss Don. He was a fine young man. I've lived through the loss of too many loved ones ... of course even one is too many. I appreciate your lighting up a cigar in remembrance. Sometimes it's the simple things that bring the most comfort. When it is enjoyable it fosters fond memories rather than sad ones.

My best friend took her own life early one November many years ago. Now every year at Thanksgiving dinner I raise a silent toast just between her and I.

16 Apr 2003 | MegoSteve said...

Sorry to hear about your loss, Don. All this time I've been reading your posts on SVN and I didn't realize you had roots here in York, PA.

23 Apr 2003 | Don Schenck said...

Postscript:

The Blue Heron has been my favorite bird since I lived in Ohio in the early 90's and saw them quite frequently. The most beautiful is the young heron, which is white. When I see a heron, it's a special event.

The morning after Harry's passing, while driving, a white (young) blue heron flew in front of my car. I immediately made a connection between the events of the previous day and that blue heron. Unplanned, unrehearsed, special.

This morning (Wednesday 4/23) I saw another, this time low over my car. I immediately remembered Harry.

What a pleasant way to remember a very special young man.

24 Apr 2003 | alisha said...

:-)

16 Jan 2004 | Matilda said...

At WWDC, I listened to Apple representatives make some excellent points about taking the time to build a 100%-compliant Aqua application, and I think all developers need to look beyond the code and listen to what the folks at Apple have to say