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An exercise in clarity: The Presidential Candidates

20 Aug 2004 by Jason Fried

In 10 words or less (for each), define President Bush, John Kerry, and Ralph Nader.

69 comments so far (Post a Comment)

20 Aug 2004 | Paul Randall said...

Kerry: Corporate interests appeased - Public interests contemplated.

Bush: Corporate interests sated - Public interests be damned.

Nader: Corporations felled like dragons in some alternate universe.

20 Aug 2004 | Darrel said...

Kerry: Umm...hmm...well...he...uh...apparently served in Viet Nam.

Bush: "sovereignty means...it's sovereign. You're a -- you've been given sovereignty"

Nader: Best person for the job. Broken electoral system means no-win.

20 Aug 2004 | Ryan Latham said...

Kerry: Yes, no, maybe, kind of, sort of, perhaps, purple hearts.

Bush: Personal vendettas serve as a distraction for more important issues.

Nader: Most feel a third party candidate is a wasted vote.

20 Aug 2004 | indi said...

Bush: Tries to do the right thing most of the time.
Kerry: Will say or do anything to be elected. No Clinton.
Nader: A respected consumer advocate out of his league.

20 Aug 2004 | Jon Plummer said...

Kerry: Could "nuanced position" himself right into a second-place finish.
Bush: The worst representative of American interests in recent memory.
Nader: Running on his (old) laurels, acting a bit like Perot.

20 Aug 2004 | Matt said...

Kerry: still ill-defined plans but has high hopes
Bush: talks a good game, but in practice scares me
Nader: he worked for change last time, now it's pointless

(you didn't ask, but what the heck)
Kucinich: crazy little bastard that would really shake shit up


my last presidental votes go Nader, Clinton, Perot so I have a thing for crazy outsider bastards over the boring guys that make it to the top.

20 Aug 2004 | John Y. said...

Bush: The worst American President, bar none.
Kerry: War hero; distinguished Senator; our next President.
Nader: Egomaniacal caricature of a consumer advocate. Shouldn't be taken seriously.

If you're including Nader, why aren't you including any of the other third party candidates? At least some of them are actually on ballots.

20 Aug 2004 | sloan said...

Bush: flip flopper, deceiver, only interested in corporations
Kerry: Not as bad as Bush and I have medals
Nader: Good intentions, bad results

20 Aug 2004 | Jonny Roader said...

Bush: mega-rich; puppet.
Kerry: mega-rich; too 'nuanced' for current US tastes.
Nader: mega-rich; may hand Bush the presidency again.

20 Aug 2004 | David E. said...

I just spent 3 days writing instructions in 100 characters or less. Sometimes they get a kind of haiku quality. So here goes

Kerry: qualified.
W: incompetent
Nader: please drop out.

21 Aug 2004 | Jonny Roader said...

And now for the exercise in clarity rather than bias:

Bush: genuine appeal to nearly half the US electorate.
Kerry: his opponent remains his main asset; strong finisher?
Nader: may hand Bush the presidency; hopefully democracy will benefit somehow.

21 Aug 2004 | Andy said...

Bush: Lying scumbag
Kerry: Not a lying scumbag
Nader: Guy I'd vote for if he had a snowball's chance in hell of winning

21 Aug 2004 | typeweight said...

Bush: Dull, inarticulate, daddy's boy, an embarassment to America
Kerry: He's no Clinton, but anyone's better than Bush
Nader: Why?

21 Aug 2004 | indi said...

Jonny Roader, you said "Kerry: mega-rich; too 'nuanced' for current US tastes."

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "nuanced" in this context. I could make some obvious suggestions, but I don't think you are equating "nuanced" with "two-faced".

21 Aug 2004 | Simon Jessey said...

Kerry: Voter apathy personified.
Bush: Nobody died when Clinton lied.
Nader: Who cares?

21 Aug 2004 | Mick said...

Bush: Under-estimated in blue states
Kerry: Over-hyped in Iowa
Nader: Way over his 15 minutes

21 Aug 2004 | pat said...

Bush:Canadar?
Kerry:Canada, hmmm.
Nader: I was there last week.

21 Aug 2004 | Dr_God said...

I thought I'd spice things up with a little alliteration.

Bush: Can't communicate. Ignorant ideologue. Forever failing. Environment enemy. Corporate courtesan.

Kerry: Dull Democrat. Vietnam vet. Hopefully halt hemespheric hostilities. Immediate improvement.

Nader: Continue combatting corporations. Quit campaigning!

The last one is more of an order than a description, but oh well. :)

21 Aug 2004 | indi said...

Hey , how about one word each:

Bush: Hope.
Kerry: Ego.
Nader: Spoiler.

21 Aug 2004 | grant said...

Bush: who gives a fuck about the other six billion people
Kerry: too smart for own good as candidate. hopefully better president.
Nader: for people totally interested in flinging poop at their neighbors

21 Aug 2004 | Ian Firth said...

Three people who have never been in my kitchen.

(and shouldn't be allowed to run anything as complicated as a country)

21 Aug 2004 | Sam Walker said...

Kerry:meh
Bush:ACK!
Nader:unfortunately not

21 Aug 2004 | p8 said...

Bush: Skull & Bones. Cut Social Security to give millionaires tax cuts.
Kerry: Skull & Bones. Bush lite.
Nader: Not Skull & Bones. Wants zero income tax under $100,000

21 Aug 2004 | bill said...

Kerry: venal as clinton, without the charm; lying, UN suckup.

Bush: incompetent, big government boob; I give thumbs up for WoT.

Nader: if allowed to enact his platform would equal Pol Pot.

Badnarik: insane f@ck

21 Aug 2004 | Brad Hurley said...

Bush: Dude ranch cowboy
Kerry: Intellectual introvert
Nader: Adult adolescent

21 Aug 2004 | yaz said...

Bush: 4.5", cut, kept
Kerry: 8.5", thick, cut, shaved
Nader: 3.5", uncut, a primeval forest

who would you wanna get f*cked by?

21 Aug 2004 | Don Schenck said...

Bush: Promised to be a Conservative, turned out otherwise.
Kerry: Hiding liberal record to avoid defeat.
Nader: Can't win, can move country to accept a 3rd party.
Badnarik: Great platform, no chance.
Hagelin: Are you kidding me?
Brown: Darrel's choice, no doubt.

22 Aug 2004 | Roland said...

Kerry: liberal wiener
Bush: right-wing nutjob
Nader: who cares

22 Aug 2004 | Scott Stowell said...

Bush: sheltered, confused, hilarious, ignorant, careless, random, simplistic, terrified, crafty, dangerous

Kerry: serious, intelligent, humorless, complicated, experienced, dedicated, verbose, problematic, ambitious, hopeful

Nader: idealistic, focused, single-minded, farsighted, relentless, outraged, quixotic, misguided, puzzling, irrelevant

22 Aug 2004 | pero said...

- I love a little electoral haiku with my soy latte in the mornings.

22 Aug 2004 | hartmurmur said...

BUSH: morality, integrity, solid family man, tells it as it is
KERRY: wishy-washy, divorced, plays public, ketchup lover

(and that last one (ketchup lover) is because I can't find anything interesting to say about the man)

22 Aug 2004 | 4 legs good said...

Bush: doesn't learn from his mistakes
Kerry: learns from his mistakes and from others' mistakes

22 Aug 2004 | realisto said...

Bush: Almost divorced, ex-Alcoholic, calls havemores his base, cocaine, Awol, Bankruptcies.
Kerry: Has the courage and wisdom to change his opinion.

22 Aug 2004 | workingforchange said...

Kerry Flip Flops:
Supported war on Iraq, disagrees with how war is handled.

Bush Flops:
Iraq.
Al-Qaeda recruitment up.
Record Deficit.
4,000,000 more uninsured.
2,100,000 jobs lost.

23 Aug 2004 | Dwight Tel'Aviv said...

Kerry: Authorizes Bush's war, didn't support troops on the front

Bush: Disgraceful President, but opponent seems just as bad

Nadar: Will a third-party play a significant role this year?

23 Aug 2004 | Matthew said...

Bush: Ran up a huge deficit, hurt relationships with other countries, gave terrorists more reason to hate US. Also, possibly the anti-christ :)

Kerry: Not great, but far better than Bush.

Nader: Good values, but abandonned the Green Party.

Cobb: Supports people rather than corporations, health care, living wage, equality, less dependence on foreign oil, IRV (to end the 'election spoiler effect'), getting out of Iraq.

Yeah, it's more than ten words each. Sorry. :)

23 Aug 2004 | robert hopt said...

I think I'll answer this with song lyrics.

Bush: Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill the poor
(or maybe, Some folks inherit star spangled eyes)
Kerry: Lullaby, say goodnight, fall away to sleep
Nader: It isn't easy being greeeeen...

23 Aug 2004 | Kevin said...

Kerry: Most democrats will vote for him.

Bush: Most republicans will vote for him.

Nadar: Mostly everyone else will vote him.

23 Aug 2004 | Sean Scott said...

Bush : Incumbent

Kerry : Challenger

Nader: Irrelevant

23 Aug 2004 | Chris said...

Bush: sucks
Kerry: sucks
Nader: blows

23 Aug 2004 | engelgrafik said...

Bush: Has destroyed any prestige we had leftover from Clinton's antics

Kerry: Won't change the economy or anything except maybe prestige (normalization)

Nader: Want's to create a protectionist society and state (downfall)

23 Aug 2004 | Carl said...

Bush: Guy trying to do his best with a bad situation.
Kerry: Why change, he'll do about the same as bush.
Nader: The only man with any integrity in the whole race.

23 Aug 2004 | Darrel said...

(I like Kevin's!)

23 Aug 2004 | tiffany said...

Bush: Pro-guns. Pro-God. Anti-gay.
Kerry: Anti-gun-ish. Pro-God-ish. Pro-gay-ish.
Nader: Kerry-vote-siphon.

23 Aug 2004 | Almustafa El-Said said...

Bush: Numnuts
Kerry: Nimrod
Nader: Not quite right.

23 Aug 2004 | stp said...

Bush: The best choice for billionaires, bigots, and bible thumpers.
Kerry: The best choice for everybody else.

23 Aug 2004 | Kevin said...

I am neither billionaire, bigot nor bible thumper; I guess I fit into the everybody else category, right? I dont think so. Kerry is not the best choice for me!

23 Aug 2004 | todd said...

Bush: Slays sacred-cows UN, forces apathy to action, hated for it.
Kerry: Stands for everything and nothing, offers nothing new or better
Nader: Irrelevant.

23 Aug 2004 | MrBlank said...

Bush: Strict, over protective father

Kerry: Strict in front of neighbors, softy behind closed doors

Nader: Weird uncle you only see at family reunions

23 Aug 2004 | One of several Steves said...

Bush: Arrogant, cocky, stubborn
Kerry: I'm not George Bush
Nader: Arrogant, cocky, stubborn

23 Aug 2004 | Darrel said...

Some of these would make great bumber stickers.

23 Aug 2004 | beto said...

Bush: Did worse than Nixon yet still stays on office.
Kerry: Not the savior people think but he'll win anyway.
Nader: Who?

23 Aug 2004 | SumoBob said...

Nader: What me worry?
Bush: Incumbent winner ... by a squeak ... still no mandate
Kerry: Worse sore loser than Gore
Clinton (Hillary): Come see me in four years boys...

24 Aug 2004 | Scott M. said...

>>> Bush: Did worse than Nixon yet still stays on office.

Glad I'm not the only who feels this way...

24 Aug 2004 | google said...

25 Aug 2004 | Jose Rui Fernandes said...

Bush: His best was not good enough, on the contrary.
Kerry: Can't be worst than Bush, so he's better.

25 Aug 2004 | Gene said...

Bush: so what exactly has he done for us?
Kerry: do you think he'll remember us when he wins?
Nader: he'll only give us a 3rd choice...

25 Aug 2004 | Don Schenck said...

Bush: Loser
Kerry: Loser
Nader: Loser
American People: We lose, again *sigh*

25 Aug 2004 | indi said...

Well Don, maybe you're right. But what's the alternative to our system? A benevolent dictatorship?

Depending on whose opinion you listen to or read, we've NEVER had a good president. Yet all things considered, this is still a pretty damn good country to live in. Go figure.

25 Aug 2004 | but that's just me said...

For all three and anyone else on the ballot...

Nobody can make everybody happy.

25 Aug 2004 | Don Schenck said...

indi -- runoff elections, for starters.

25 Aug 2004 | One of several Steves said...

While I would also like to see runoff elections, Don, I'm not sure they'd be a panacea. Doesn't seem to help Louisiana out much.

26 Aug 2004 | Don Schenck said...

Steve, but you would agree that it's a start, right?

26 Aug 2004 | One of several Steves said...

Oh, certainly. I think it would be a much better idea, and I'll be voting in favor of the ballot item on California this fall to turn our elections into that system. But it's only going to be one step. It's a better system, but I'm not sure how much it's going to change things overall.

28 Aug 2004 | Shane said...

Bush: Not Democrat
Kerry: Not Bush
Nader: Funded by GOP?

30 Aug 2004 | Phil said...

indi, you said Bush "Tries to do the right thing most of the time.", but that's just it, he doesn't try to do the right thing. He says he is going to do the right thing and does just the opposite. He said he was going to fight terror but invaded Iraq instead. The Iraq invasion has nothing to do with fighting terror. He said most of his tax cuts go to the middle and lower income brackets, but they actually go to the rich. He says he is going to help the elderly get prescription drugs, but his drug plan helps the pharmaceutical comapanies.

So I'd say he tries to do the wrong thing most of the time, unless of course you are rich and own a big company, then it is the right thing.

03 Sep 2004 | Charlie Triplett said...

Bush, Nader, Kerry: Marketable goods.

04 Sep 2004 | tom sherman said...

It is simple little exercises like this one that remind me how naive most people are. Nader? LOL.

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