28 Oct 2004 | Jonny Roader said...

Just enjoy your time, Don. Keep thinking, keep active, and spend as much time with your family and friends - and your cigars - as you can.

All the best bud!

28 Oct 2004 | Don Schenck said...

Thanks, Jonny. Wish it were that easy.

But appreciate the sentiment.

"This Is Your Life" by "Dust Brothers" is a song that exactly describes my life at this point. Excellent song.

28 Oct 2004 | stp said...

The urge to chuck it all and start over is one that I think nearly everybody has from time to time, but hardly anyone actually has the guts to act on. I, for one, believe only good things come from these sorts of major life changes. So I wish you well, and hope that some day you pop back in here and let us know where your adventure has taken you. Good luck!

28 Oct 2004 | Chris S said...

Hmmm...I'm about to turn 38 and am eyeballing your predicament with interest. The dark cloud of gloom has not descended upon me yet...but I see it there in the distance like some hyperbolic "Day After Tomorrow" promo.

As Rilke wrote (or close to it)

"...when drinking is bitter, become wine."

28 Oct 2004 | RS said...

I'm no sage, but here's some advice: Don't look for more things to do, things to see, or things to buy. They all come and go like the things you're talking about giving up now. Consider getting a book on Buddhism :)

28 Oct 2004 | Nick said...

I have some advice, grab your surfboard and take a trip down to Costa Rica, all will make sense when you get back.

28 Oct 2004 | JF said...

Don, a good book on Buddhism.

28 Oct 2004 | Brad Hurley said...

Don, I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. My prediction is that you won't stay down for long, you've got too much spirit in you for that.

Pulling the plug on the blog is fine, that'll give you one less thing to feel guilty about not having time for.

But don't give up on exercise, that's just going to make things worse. Every day this summer I rode my bike for an hour before work. It got me out of the house, cleared my mind, and put me in better spirits than I've been in for a long time. Now with winter on the way I'm using my rowing machine every morning. Just make it part of your routine. Pare down your exercise tools to just one or two -- use the exercise bike when the weather's bad, and get outside for something else when the weather's good. Do it every day. I have a friend in North Carolina who's in his mid 50s, and he rode his bike 364 days last year -- he missed one day due to an ice storm. You'll feel so much better emotionally and physically if you keep it up -- don't aim for perfection, just think of it as maintenance.

I've gone through a few big crises in my life too, and it's hard to pick yourself up afterwards, but you can do it. Try to "fix" one thing at a time, it's less overwhelming that way. And accept a degree of imperfection, both in yourself and the world around you, it's the way things are.

We'll be pulling for you Don, we love ya!

28 Oct 2004 | RS said...

In lieu of a book, here's a good Buddhism starting point.

28 Oct 2004 | lisa said...

Oh, I will miss your comments, Don.
If you have the cash -- TRAVEL.

Every few years I try to get out of
the country and out of my comfort zone.
It does wonders for me.

(The Australians will give you a new
look on life if you are open to it.)

Good luck to you.

28 Oct 2004 | ed fladung said...

I recently went through the same thing. at age 30. I rented the house out, sold the car, told the clients I was taking a "6 month sabbatical" and moved to mexico to work for mom n dad. It's been great. I started a blog to keep in contact with friends which i post to only occasionally and I went from designing websites to designing houses and being a glorified go-fer. I do miss LA sometimes, but for the most part, I have no regrets.

Maybe what you need is some creative problem solving. here's an option for you: I'm not sure if you have kids or not, but South America is starving for good English teachers and people with tech skills. What about becoming a teacher for one of the many American Schools down there. Like Costa Rica (just in case your surfing passion comes back). I know plenty of kids that would love a good course in photoshop. Granted the money isn't all that, maybe what you need is a change of Latitude.

Lisa is right, travel is the best thing. if you've got a house, rent it out. ditch all the things that are weighing you down. go see the world. it may not be the cure for what ails you, but at least it will give you some proper distance.

I wish you the best of luck.

28 Oct 2004 | Mark said...

Don -

As a fellow "old man" at 41, I can certainly empathize with what you're going through.

Having read some of your posts, both here and on your site, I gather that you're positively influenced by Christianity - so I doubt (although, I could be wrong) that you'd find any solace in Buddism.

Rather, I'd suggest reading the book of Job.

Also, when I first turned 40, I took a day to myself in a quiet place (no kids, no wife, cellphone off...) for introspection. I took a notebook and made 2 columns. In the left column I wrote down everything I was upset about...missed opportunities, failed goals, shortcomings, what I was at 40 compared to what the world says I should be (wife, 2.5 kids, white picket fence...) - the whole gamit.

I then mediated on that for a while. After that, I wrote down the corrections, solutions, blessings - something 180 degrees and postively removed from the left column and focused on that.

To see that there really is a silver lining in every cloud if you look hard enough can take a tremendous burden from your shoulders.

Finally, I rediscovered the gym. I used to work out like a mad man in my younger days, and I gather you did as well. Getting back to a routine and feeling the tautness return is a great feeling.

If none of that does anything for you, try this -

http://www.museumofconceptualart.com/accomplished/

"All the best" is ahead of you - my friend.

28 Oct 2004 | One of several Steves said...

Don, I hope the big reorganization doesn't include disappearing from here. Your posts are always enjoyable and insightful. And your years have given you wisdom that should not be underestimated or underappreciated.

I went through a similar thing at 28, again at 32 or 33. I think we all have those stretches where we go "I do all this stuff, and *this* is what I have to show for it?" Finding new things that excite you and interest you is good, but don't throw everything out just yet. The things of the present and past may not excite you now, but they have a funny way of popping back up in your mind later on.

Whatever branch of the path you take next, I wish you well. Those little reassessment periods suck at the time. But they're usually worth it when you get out on the other side.

28 Oct 2004 | indi said...

Hey Don, I turned 46 in September, so I'm right there with you. What keeps me connected is my 7 year old daughter. I'm not suggesting you sire any more offspring, but the suggestions by others about being a teacher or just generally getting involved with kids in some way might help.

But if you are in the frame of mind I think you are it might be a good time to re-read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. By the way, I personally think us Christians can learn a lot from Zen and Buddhism in general.

28 Oct 2004 | Darrel said...

NO MORE STREET HOCKEY!?

Sad, so sad.

;o)

I was in Portland a few weeks ago. I was walking near some tennis courts. There were some 70+ year old guys playing doubles...and still talking shit to each other. I hope I can do that at that age.

Sounds like you just need a good long several-month vacation. Time to enjoy life a bit...not work. I find traveling trumps any religion in terms of having an awakening.

28 Oct 2004 | alisha said...

hey Don, so youve reached a plateau - thats good.
on to the next step!

"go see the world."
- good advice. Let me know if you want to come visit Cologne, Germany. Its a good place to start.
Alisha

29 Oct 2004 | CM Harrington said...

Don, would you like cheese with that whine?

My gods, man. things don't go your way, so you decide to tell the world that you are quitting. No more weblog, no more bike, no more surfing. Waaaaah. How about concentrating on what you are going to do?

I'd like to make a suggestion. Try getting down deep... really deep and figure out why things are failing for you. Then figure out what you're going to do to change it. I am not talking about positive thinking, because in general, that's a bunch of bollocks a positive veneer on top of a giant ball of deeply-rooted negative patterns isn't going to help you. You can't keep running away from everything, you have to run toward something. Figure out what that something is, then open yourself up to notice the little things in life that allow you to re-enforce that goal.

29 Oct 2004 | jra said...

Join the French Foreign Legion. Or look and see if FEMA needs someone like you in your area. Or make a baby...with another woman. Those are three things that crossed my mind... Oh! become a hitman...Selling cars is fun!

Roll with the punches D - something will come around for you...

29 Oct 2004 | Ryan Mahoney said...

I second CM. I was going to say something similar but I'm kept deleting it because I have no tact ;)

So come off it already man, lose the victim b.s. There is an opportunity here and if you end all this drama now you might even see it.

Personally, I've fucked up royally in my life. Many times. Each time it seemed like the end of the world. But it wasn't. It won't be for you either if you seize this opportunity to understand why this is happening. Whatever is tripping you up now will trip you up again later if you don't resolve it.

It's a myth that for some people things work out perfect while others struggle. The truth is that those who suceed experience the same feelings of anxiety, low self worth, depression, etc. as everyone else, but they confront these things instead of running away.

29 Oct 2004 | jingo starr said...

Save the drama for your mama.

31 Oct 2004 | John said...

Get out there and fight for what's right. I've found meaning and purpose in the fight for social justice. There are plenty of kickass organizations that sure could use a hand.

Also, three weeks on the bike is hardly enough time to see much progress on the scale. Definitely find a gym and a regular routine, but also look at your diet. Just cutting out soda and Snapple helped me. Cut back the sweets, too. Take in less calories than you burn, and keep those muscles regularly engaged. And certainly don't stop doing the physical activities you enjoy.

01 Nov 2004 | Britt said...

I third CM. Don always posted comments about kicking back, drinking some wine, and smoking a cigar. He strove to create the impression that life was easy. Was that just a facade?

17 Nov 2004 | Don Schenck said...

To those who offered encouragement, a very sincere "Thank You'.

To those who offered negativity, a very sincere "Fuck You".

Wow ... feels good to truly speak my mind! It's liberating!