Lots of surfers, lifeguards, and paddle boarders are big fans of Birdwell swimwear. It’s definitely not because the company provides cutting edge web design:
Oof, it’s like 1997 all over again. And the site’s tone is reminiscent of a surly old shopkeeper that’s going to sell you what you want only if you play ball first. Check out the curious combination of curmudgeonry and “we’re all family here” folksiness…
Don’t send them too many emails:
Please do not spend 22 emails discussing what you want — and then say, “that’s what I want, when can you ship” — you know what you want, I only answer questions. I don’t remember all your decisions. Write it down and send it to me with the name address and payment information.
No more “wishy washy stuff” about overnight shipping:
If you tell me you really want it tomorrow and it is possible to do so? You have requested expedited carrier service and will be charged accordingly … No more of this wishy washy stuff and nonsense. You know the difference between right and wrong, fair and unfair. You don’t want to join the One Thousand Club. If you ask for expedited service, but I don’t remember when I quote the price? You are charged for the service you receive. Okay, go ahead and teach me a lesson. Welcome to the Club.
If the phone is busy, call back later:
Telephone us to place an order or for answers to questions: 714 751 2071 or 557 7040 … only family answers the phone. That’s my mom, Vivian; Sam is my son, and me: I’m Evelyn. We have enough answers in stock to match up with your questions, but if we don’t? We’ll make one up, on the spot. Our phone does have a hold button, we even use it in certain circumstances, but customers deserve our full attention. If both lines are busy, call back in a few minutes.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to determine your size:
METHOD #1. MEN—THE RULE! is to add 2 to the size you wear in everything else. We are not measuring your body. You do that when you buy clothes: add two to get the Birdwell size. What size Levi’s or other solid waist pants fits you the best? Add two. We know you wear them low and loose: that’s the style. Add Two. You don’t wear them low and loose? Add two. The actual difference is about 1 5/8 inch, but add two gets it 97% of the time…
METHOD #4. Don’t laugh! This is a real popular, albeit expensive, method. FIRST STEP: order the same size in BIRDWELL’S that you wear in everything else. SECOND STEP: With a large smile of anticipation open the package. THIRD STEP: $#x%x@#%$ (curse, bitch, hiss, moan and/or groan) STEP the FOURTH: email [email protected] or telephone us: 714 751 2071 or 714 557 7040 to tell me what you want in exchange. Additional shipping/handling charge.
And check out this thank you page too:
Thank You, our Customers … You are the reason we’re still around doing the same thing …
WE also WANT TO THANK the PEOPLE WHO ARE IMITATING US.
WE REALLY APPRECIATE all THE BUSINESS YOU ARE SENDING BACK TO US.
AN EXTRA SPECIAL THANK YOU TO OUR QUALITY CONTROL DEPARTMENT: POSSIBLY THE LARGEST IN THE HISTORY OF CLOTHING MANUFACTURE. WE RELY UPON YOU, OUR CUSTOMERS, TO TELL US WHEN SOMETHING IS NOT CORRECT ABOUT OUR PRODUCT.
We do not thank the bootleggers, pirates? You should be ashamed of yourselves.
WE GUARANTEE OUR WORKMANSHIP. WE USE ONLY THE VERY BEST AMERICAN MADE MATERIALS AVAILABLE. THE CREW AREN’T JUST SEAMSTRESSES, THEY ARE CRAFTSMEN. THEY ARE PROUD OF THEIR SKILL AND OF THE PRODUCT THEY BUILD FOR YOU.
do you want to know THE FOUR BASIC SECRETS TO MAKING AUTHENTIC BIRDWELL BEACH BRITCHES? 1. QUALITY IS OUR GIMMICK 2. QUALITY IS OUR GIMMICK 3. QUALITY IS OUR GIMMICK 4. QUALITY IS OUR GIMMICK
This kind of copy approach certainly isn’t right for everyone. But there’s definitely something refreshing about the personality here when ya compare it to the generic tone at most online retailers.
[Thx to LD for the tip.]
Benjy
on 24 Aug 09I like the human tone of the copy and the sense that it’s a small business, but that shouldn’t excuse certain practices like the phones… at least have voicemail and call back when people leave a message. It’s great you have only a limited number of people who you feel comfortable having answer the phones, but don’t make me work so hard to buy from you. Not upgrading to compensate for the size of a business is a cop-out, like “we’re too cheap or too scared of technology to run our business right.” Do they also not file taxes because they’re complicated and costly?
Another thought that crossed my mind… if they make their own shorts, why not just make the sizes match so they don’t have to go through the whole explanation of ordering 2 sizes bigger?
Tinus
on 24 Aug 09It’s clearly a family business and they like it that way.
Nick Husher
on 24 Aug 09I didn’t bother reading any of it, because it resembles Timecube way too much. I can easily dismiss the claims of Timecube guy, so I casually dismiss the claims of other self-important voices presented in the same style.
As authentic as the copy might be, it will always be passed through the filter of “geocities nutjob” to me. This is one case where design clearly hurts the message.
BG4
on 24 Aug 09meta name=”GENERATOR” content=”Microsoft FrontPage 4.0”
Nice.
Happy
on 24 Aug 09“we do not use fed ex: The way bill takes way too long to fill out…”
Happy
on 24 Aug 09“Sorry, but we simply cannot send paper brochures to an email address.”
“CUSTOMER SERVICE does not mean that a person can demand a thing and get it. “
chelsea
on 24 Aug 09Havent seen anything like this before but its funny and clearly working for them:-) X C
Alejandro Moreno
on 24 Aug 09@Benjy: Maybe they want to stay small?
Ben Carlson
on 24 Aug 09I wonder if they’ll be upset at the amount of traffic your post just generated for them… :) Kind of cool to see a company that is doing just fine thank you, and doesn’t really care about changing.
-Ben
Ben Saunders
on 24 Aug 09See also: Stephenson’s Warmlite tents
Sam HIll
on 24 Aug 09“our speed limit is as fast as we can go: No Extra Charge.
After That, IT IS UP TO THE CARRIER.
... ups, usps and dhl are all reliable carriers ...ALWAYS REMEMBER: Sometimes GOD SAYS, “NO” “
Nicole
on 24 Aug 09Word of warning: If you’re actually interested in outdoor gear and follow Ben Saunders’ link, then say to yourself, “Hmmm, maybe I’ll check out the catalog,” be warned that it is NSFW. Maybe I missed the schtick of the website? Either way, I’m not investigating it again while at work.
Brian Drought
on 24 Aug 09Wouldn’t say the link Ben posted was hugely NSFW… think blurry pictures of 1970’s nudists rather than anything explicit.
By the way… long time Ben… first spoke to you in the old heady days of the Evo forum. Small world.
andycamp
on 24 Aug 09along the same vein
Anonymous Coward
on 24 Aug 09The tone sounded kinda bratty to me…
Nicole
on 24 Aug 09@Brian Fair enough, and the use is actually pretty funny, but it still fails the “would I want my boss to walk in while I’m reading this” test. Just thought others might want to be warned.
DesignSurf
on 25 Aug 09As a lifelong surfer, I’ve owned many pairs of Birdwells over the years. Their product is completely superior to everything on the market. If you make GREAT PRODUCTS, everything else is easy.
Evelyn
on 25 Aug 09I don’t usually get into these but - here goes: “Hi Evelyn, David here. Size 36/black.” Which David? “I need to know the style I bought last time. Call me, okay?” No phone number or name. And etc. So the answering machine was put away. Now, they email: many times the same sort of message but I can answer them, ask for the information I need before I can tell them what they want to know. go back to 1982 and tell him, for instance, that the only dark green he ever ordered was size 32 - and before he acquired a wife and 3 children. I understand why they do this, and it’s a compliment.
AlexH
on 25 Aug 09@Nicole: If that’s NSFW, you need a new job. Sheesh.
Brade
on 25 Aug 09The tone doesn’t bother me, but making their product “2 sizes bigger” than what you normally buy is just dumb.
Matt
on 25 Aug 09@Brade: If you don’t know, you can tighten Birdwell’s to fit, so the “Add 2” is so the other areas of the boardshorts will fit WHILE you’re surfing, which is the reason why these shorts were originally made and why they are still wildly popular.
Similar to DesignSurf…Birdwells are the only baggies I surf in.
Dominic
on 26 Aug 09So funny, what a great site! You made my day!
This discussion is closed.