A potential new customer saw a coupon code at our site and asked us for an additional discount on Highrise.
Initial draft of a response:
I’m sorry, but we don’t offer any discounts or special pricing beyond what is published on our website. If you’d like to signup for a new paid account today, you’ll have the 30 day free trial, but we can’t offer any additional discounts on subsequent months. Sorry about this.
Seemed negative so went back to the drawing board:
We’d love to have you as a customer. I think you and the business will be very happy with Highrise. When you signup for a trial account, you automatically get 30 days free time before you’ll be charged. On top of that, if you use 37HRWEL as the coupon code, you’ll get 20% off the first month. That’s the best offer we have available right now.
I hope you guys will come on board. Have a great day.
Says about the same thing without the sorrys and nos. 1st way: sorry, don’t, can’t, sorry. 2nd way: love, very happy, free time, on top, best offer, hope, great day. Tone makes all the difference in the world. Which way would you rather buy from?
Anonymous Coward
on 05 May 10Did the potential customer signup?
Tim
on 05 May 10This is a bit misleading since the first draft never mentioned the 20% discount but the 2nd draft did.
That’s totally different because the first message was basically “no discount” and the 2nd message said “yep, here’s 20% off”.
Regardless of tone, that makes the 2nd message better.
ML
on 05 May 10Tim, that’s true. But customer had already seen coupon code and mentioned it in original email. Added that detail in at top of post.
Seth Kravitz
on 05 May 10That’s great advice. I find myself writing in a negative tone a lot and luckily I catch myself every now and then like you did.
It’s also important to use positive statements instead negative. For example as a boss, it’s much better for me to say, “You did a great job” instead of “Not too bad”. Not too bad is being used as a positive here, but the effect is so much greater from the positive statement.
D. Lambert
on 05 May 10I used to work for someone who said there’s no such thing as “no” in sales—just “yes” with qualifications.
Darcy Fitzpatrick
on 05 May 10The second draft is definitely better, but it’s also beating around the busht. I think there has to be a happy medium.
Maybe something like:
“That’s the best offer we have available right now. Please feel free to take advantage of our 30 day free trial before deciding if Highrise is right for you. We’d love to have you as a customer. I think you and the business will be very happy with Highrise.”
Come right out and answer their question at the start, then tell them, in case they didn’t know, about the free trial, and finally close by letting them know your thoughts on having them as a customer.
Chuck
on 05 May 10This might be the best post I’ve ever read here.
The thing is, that second style of writing is super-hard to do day in and day out without losing all sense of sincerity.
Nic
on 05 May 10The first draft is of course a bit negative but at least it’s direct. But if I receive the second draft I would think I don’t talk to a human but a salesman and I hate that. Being human mean also that you don’t live in a candy world so I agree with Darcy a version in between would be even better.
Chad Burt
on 05 May 10I agree with Darcy. The second message seems a bit “canned”, while the first one gets directly to the customer’s question. I’m not sure that’s because of the positive language though. Maybe just move the first two sentences to the end?
Cameron
on 05 May 10Sorry, that second message is pure cover-your-ass filler. You’re beating around the issue, trying hard to spin the truth, which is simply “No”. This technique is very common, and is the kind of thing I expect from big soulless corporations, certainly not from human beings. Stick with the first draft.
Marius
on 05 May 10The first one is definitely “easier” to read (I noticed how I tried to skim through the second draft just to extract what you are actually trying to say). Stick to the first one but remove the second sorry. Customers also understand that they can’t have everything.
Hibiscus
on 05 May 10I learned a variation of #2 during my days as an account manager. When clients would introduce massive scope changes and additional feature requests during review meetings (and you know they always do), instead of saying, “No, that’s out of scope, you can’t have that,” I would say, “Of course! What a great idea! Let’s look at it post-launch as part of Phase 2!”
Then after the project launched and the invoice was paid, I had a ready-made pitch to take back to the client to win us additional business. Worked for everyone.
jefster
on 05 May 10I’m with Darcy and Cameron. The second one is a) hard to read and b) exactly the kind of annoying marketing speak that tries to obscure “bad news” rather than inform the customer properly. I’m annoyed to no end every time I get such a reply. It makes you feel not taken seriously.
Jeff Croft
on 05 May 10Definitely agree with some of the others that the second message sounds like spin and beating around the bush.
The first one is definitely too negative, though. I think you could have been direct and transparent without being so negative.
André
on 05 May 10This is about the same marketing-speak you see everywhere.
You see “I’m sorry, but we don’t offer any discounts” and think “Worth a shot.”
You see “We’d love to have you as a customer” and think “Bla bla, where’s the information I requested?”
What a disappointment.
chris
on 05 May 10This is welcoming. good move, no need to hate this
Berserk
on 05 May 10In Take—II, since the customer already knew about the code and its value, almost 1/3 of the response (100 of 345 characters) is used to explain the code the customer knew about and is prepared to use.
“We’d love to have you as a customer. I think you and the business will be very happy with Highrise.” eq “Bla bla bla.”
While I too like the directness of Take-I, it is too apologizing. There is no need to apologize for not reducing the price further (i’d also scrap “but we can’t offer any additional discounts on subsequent months.”—you could if you wanted to). Instead of the last sorry-sentence, the love-to-have-you-as-a-customer is much less marketing 101 kiss-assy in the context of finishing of that response.
DHH
on 05 May 10I wrote the second version. It’s a little on the heavy side of being welcoming, but that was in part to show the difference against the negativity of the first response.
Also, I find that while programmers and techies (myself included) often prefer just the facts, ma’am, normal people don’t. Being overly welcome and meaning it disarms most people and defuses a tense situation.
So if you have err on either too positive or too factual, I’d pick too positive every time.
David Andersen
on 05 May 10Per several other comments, I think you can be more direct than example 2 w/o coming across negative. It’s important to answer the question first. I’ve worked with many sales people over the years; they specialize in delaying the answer to a question when the answer is going to be negative. It’s annoying and condescending. Politicians do it too. No need to emulate them! Great post.
Jeff Croft
on 05 May 10Can’t argue with that—I just don’t think you had to err on either side. Something like what Darcy wrote would have been factual, direct AND positive/welcoming.
But hey, live and learn. I definitely appreciate you trying to be more positive. :)
Basti
on 05 May 10The first version sounds more honest to me (I’m not a programmer through).
Herqn
on 05 May 10I liked the 1st better too, same reasons as Basti.
Alex M
on 06 May 10This would drive me AWAY as a customer, because it reeks of insincerity. It’s exactly like me walking into my bank and the teller being forced to act like she’s my friend. Except she’s not. I don’t want to be treated insincerely. It almost disgusts me. What’s worse is this trend is everywhere.
I like the 1st one way better. Straight to the point. Your job isn’t to make me feel good, it’s to provide good software and quick answers.
DHH
on 06 May 10Alex, it can indeed be hard to convey sincerity online. Given that I wrote the text, I can vouch for the fact that I meant all of it. I certainly love getting new customers. I think our products are going to make people happy. I do hope they sign up and I certainly wish a potential customer a great day.
But certainly not all approaches work on all people. A good number of folks likes the just the facts response, but, I believe, a much, much greater percentage wants to feel good on top of the facts.
jon
on 06 May 10I really like this post. It really shows that you can really change the feeling of a message by simply rewording a few things. I am definitely going to pass this around to my co-workers.
Jason Klug
on 06 May 10Can’t say enough how true this is!
A few years ago I hired a new developer who did great dev work, but wasn’t so good with the client interfacing. After he sent out a very straightforward “we can’t do X for you and here’s why” email to a client, I got a call from the client wondering if the developer had a bad attitude. I re-read the email in question, and everything he said was true and well-reasoned… he just framed everything in “no” and “can’t”, making him sound like a bitter asshole.
So much of communication is about hitting the right tone, and that’s doubly difficult to convey in writing. It pays to stop and re-read from the recipient’s view before hitting “send”.
Rey
on 06 May 10as customers I prefer the 1st one with less “sorry” :) the 2nd one is too much like the salesman response. when I ask a question I expect to get a straight answer, I know you want to sell your product, I know you want to make me happy, etc, etc, but, really, I just want to get my answer.
Anonymous Coward
on 06 May 10I’m with Darcy Fitzpatrick.
pht
on 06 May 10Strangely enough, to me it read a if customer had asked “Hey, I saw coupon code XYZ, but I want another discount”, and you answered “Sure, you can use coupon code XYZ if you want”. Reminded me of old ‘banana in you ear’ jokes at first …
tlj
on 06 May 10@pht, that was exactly how I read it too. I imagine the customer going “Great, I got another 20% off! Yay!”, then moments later “Arghh! It’s the same coupon! Damn you, 37signals!”
bsoudi
on 06 May 10As a marketing writer [start the flaming now], I am a fan of the second one.
As DHH said, it’s hard to convey sincerity online. I always err on the side of sincerity rather than too clinical. It’s a fine line.
There’s a lot of flaming of sales people here. The BEST ones get to know their customers, learn their needs, then recommend a solution from their product offering—in a nice, positive way.
I know that’s not en vogue with a lot of people today [“Just give the me the facts and let me decide.”]. But it still works—check the job listings and sales jobs are usually the biggest category.
Roger
on 06 May 10While the second message is indeed more polite, I almost feel like it’s speaking down to the customer and seems like a boilerplate advertisement. I would have preferred you just be real with me.
DHH
on 06 May 10Another thing I’ve found is that it’s easier to prefer an objective, though response when it’s not actually your own issue at stake. The times that I’ve had to deal with other support departments and I’ve gotten that, I have at times been irrationally miffed about it. And when I then got a sincere, opening response, I’ve been irrationally happy about it.
David Andersen
on 06 May 10@bsoudi -
While there are great sales people who behave in the manner you describe, there aren’t very many of them. The vast majority of them do not know how to treat customers; I’d say 8 of 10. No one is saying there shouldn’t be sales people.
David Andersen
on 06 May 10DHH – that’s a good point; I think you’re right. I still think Darcy’s approach (answer the question first, then the other stuff) is best.
JP RIchardson
on 06 May 10I agree with what Darcy and some of the other people said. The second one sounds like you’re beating around the bush. I don’t like when companies do that. I would rather a direct response first, and then adding that additional statements. Maybe if you make the last sentence first, it would sound perfect.
-JP
jefster
on 06 May 10Funny coincidence, your post about business writing (http://37signals.com/svn/posts/2314-why-is-business-writing-so-awful) explains beautifully what’s wrong with the second version. Eat your own dog food ;-) I suppose.
Berserk
on 06 May 10[regarding]
Yes, we all love getting new customers and we all hope that our products will make people happy..
But you don’t really care about that specific customer and since you have no prior relationship with him/her you don’t know anything about their particular needs and how well Highrise can meet those needs.
You would/could have written the same answer whoever was on the other side of the conversation.
Joshua
on 07 May 10This seems to be extremely generic to say the least…How about if a Server has been down for an entire day…how do you get away with a sorry then ??
Paul
on 07 May 10In all honesty I’d rather buy from the first one. It’s open. It’s honest. (Can you do me a discount? No.)
The second just sounds like a politician’s answer, i.e. not answering the actual question but running out a load of spin about how wonderful your life will be if you vote for (buy from) us. Which I find very repellent.
But then I’m UK based and utterly sick of all the talk surrounding the general election. So I’m probably biased at the moment!
mac
on 07 May 10I live in Sweden, but I am 100% with what Paul (post before me) wrote. The second answer sound a marketer’s canned answer.
Although I can see the relevance of eliminating the two “I’m sorry”, the first answer pretty much sounds like “We believe our product is worth X, so that’s its price”, whilst the second one like “We haven’t read what you wrote, and instead of answering, we reiterate what you already know”.
susy
on 07 May 10I have to say I think the second one sounds like cut and paste. The first one sounds like an actual person read my email and is responding to it, specifically.
I don’t like the sales-y ness of the second one, but agree the 1st could be a little bit prettier.
It’s interesting to see so many people here had the same response to #2.
I have my own business, and often answer questions like this one. I opt for honesty, and always, always try and reach out personally to my customers with a tailored response.
susy
on 07 May 10Also, to paraphrase… DHH Says…
“So if you have err on either too positive or too factual, I’d pick too positive every time.”
Yikes! I’d prefer facts! Definitely!
I am always positive when it comes to my OWN business – but I would prefer facts from my vendors.
Matthew
on 07 May 10I love the initiative. Is the second one perfect? Well, not for your readers apparently, but I believe it’s a move in the right direction. Personally, I’d probably be more personal than the second message (it does sound a little copy-and-pasted), so I’d personalize it a little more and try to meet the client in the middle somewhere. What’s the client’s motivation? They probably just want to know they’re getting the best deal possible, right? So I would probably say something like, “This is the best deal we have available in the foreseeable future, but if we do offer anything better in the next two months just let us know and we’ll be happy to refund you that difference.” In my experience, people like the comfort of knowing their protected against “better deals” or what have you. But hey, there’s no perfect response and so what I’d say wouldn’t work for everyone either. Regardless of finding the Holy Grail of responses, this is a great post to at least get everyone thinking about how they’re responding to clients.
Fabian
on 08 May 10The first one is better, but only in hindsight, and so long as it’s not me who’s recieving the response. I’m all for directness and sincerity, and the first version was direct and to the point, but I don’t buy that this potential customer was looking for a direct answer. He/she was looking to get over. 30 day free trial, plus discount coupon, and perhaps another discount if I ask for one. I know it’s long shot but it doesn’t hurt to ask, and the second response is a nice “no”. I can appreciate that.
Nick Campbell
on 09 May 10@DHH you’re getting dragged through the mud here but for all the wrong reasons and I feel for you. The criticism hasn’t really been all that productive and helpful which is a shame since there are so many people who disapprove.
I prefer facts like any normal person, but I want it told to me in a way that is nice and I think that goal in and of itself is admirable. But then again I think the biggest issue is that the sentence structure feels odd. SO I rearranged it so you could see what type of effect it would have. Maybe you’ll like it better too?
I put things in bold I quickly added, but for the most part it works with reorganizing. You may want to streamline the transition better, but I think this version works better. Not because it doesn’t cater to what your goal is, but because it addresses the customer’s question first and then reassures/reminds them of other offers that they might be able to use in order to solve their problems. It feels like you’re solving their problem a little bit better this way to me. Which I think is the intended intent, positive or negative, factual or mythical.
Honestly, one of the things I think you guys do best is attempt to solve problems for your customers and the entry sounds more like you are answering a question. I apologize if I stepped on your toes any.
Paul M. watson
on 09 May 10Second one sounds like the way a politician would say no, or a big corporate. First one is a bit blunt but I’d still prefer it. Ideally a third version would start with the first one and then lead into the second. That way my question is answered quickly and directly but then I can continue reading if I want to and be left with a positive message.
Matthias Orgler
on 10 May 10I would also prefer the first message. Reading the second message as a customer I would feel a little hosed – it’s a (sorry) pretty American way of saying things: in the US there are no such things as “bad” oder “small” – it’s all “great” and “tall, grande, venti …”. I prefer the direct way of saying things (just say “no” if you mean it) instead of forcing me to translate (:great => “awful”, :fantastic => “pretty ok”, :superb => “quite good”).
This discussion is closed.