Stream of consciousness rant:
I’ve been in too many meetings, too many conferences, too many discussions where someone goes “I’m having a hard time explaining this or that…” Then they say “I just really want to say this…” And then they say it and it’s clear, concise, and obvious. But it’s as if they aren’t even listening to themselves because they’re right back to thinking about how to say what they just said. Only now they’re back to trying to make it more complicated than it needs to be. They should just say it like they said it a minute ago.
We’re all told to be good listeners when someone else is talking, but we should work on being better listeners when we’re talking. We might find that we’ve already got the answers.
sc0tt
on 11 Nov 08Do that all the time.
Ricky Irvine
on 11 Nov 08Steam of consciousness.
smiams
on 11 Nov 08This happens a lot when the speaker tries to be “politically correct”.
(1) they think about what to say (2) they think about how to say it (some translation here) (3) they think about how to say it in a politically correct way (even more translation here) (4) no one knows what they’re saying because the communication has become too abstract
Ricky Irvine
on 11 Nov 08Btw, Jason, I understand what you’re saying. I think I’m one of those who often think the words coming to mind are too fuzzy. Thanks for the advice.
Matt
on 11 Nov 08What I often find harder is the path I took to get to that simple answer. I tend to jump to the simple statement, sort of an intuitive leap. Then I’m asked “why”, so I have to discover the path I took to get to that statement.
Rob
on 11 Nov 08Im at the other end where I think about what I say too much and it ends up taking too long to say it.
Now i try and gather myself briefly then sorta map it in my mind and spit it out. Usually comes out ok but I am sure everyone has their own method.
Morning Toast
on 11 Nov 08I do this all the time too and try to avoid it be reviewing what I’m going to say – especially if I’m giving any sort of presentation.
I ramble because it ends up being “do this…but you can really do this too” and then get into exceptions of rules and so on, when the people I’m speaking to don’t need those exceptions, they just need the base.
Even just outlining what you need to say will help, just make sure you stick to your outline and don’t get caught in the “but you can do this too” when you’re speaking.
For me it’s less trying to be PC and trying to give everyone ALL the information instead of giving them just what the need. It’s hard to do and even harder to do consistently, especially when you don’t speak all that much to begin with.
SH
on 11 Nov 08One of my pet peeves when someone is speaking is to hear them say, “I’m trying to think…”
Don’t try. Just do.
Brenton
on 12 Nov 08Here’s a fun one:
Spend an hour banging your head into a keyboard trying to figure out why something isn’t working like you know it should. Then, start a post somewhere asking for help. While you’re trying to explain the situation to an outsider, the problem will usually become evident.
I don’t post much on forums, and when I do I’m usually either giving help or asking for specific information about something I’m unfamiliar with. Most of the times I’ve gone on seeking help, I don’t even hit the ‘post’ button.
Joe
on 12 Nov 08The timing of this post is interesting.
“I’m having a hard time explaining this or that…”
Is this in anyway related to Matt’s previous post in which he stated 37Signals has a hard time explaining to average civilians just what it is that 37Signals does?
If you eat your own dog food here you guys might find that you’ve already got the answers!
Don Schenck
on 12 Nov 08Early in my career I was a sportswriter. At times, I’d have a mental block; Turn to the editor and say, “Chuck, how do I word this? I’m trying to say that the fullback hit the line with a lot of power and literally drove the center into the linebacker and scored”.
“Then just write that!”
That simple advice has made a huge difference in not only my writing, but in my life. Literally.
Richard
on 12 Nov 08I totally agree to smiams, this always happens to me when I am afraid that what I will say will make people angry.
kyle steed
on 12 Nov 08So true. I think it boils down to a confidence issue. If we’re not confident in ourselves and what we have to say then we will always second guess ourselves and stumble over our words. But if we can get on board with ourself and believe that what we do and what we have to say is important, then we will come right out and say it.
Thanks.
Ben
on 12 Nov 08Some of us think out loud. Part of the process when explaining the point is rambling a little to get to the right words. Why don’t you let people express themselves how they need to. The answer isn’t always right in front of you.
J Lane
on 12 Nov 08@SH just pulled a yoda!
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Duh
on 13 Nov 08“And then they say it and it’s clear, concise, and obvious.”
You should qualify the above with “it’s clear, concise, and obvious—TO ME.”
Just because it appears clear, concise and obvious to you, doesn’t mean that that’s exactly what the author is going for. You have no way (unless you’re a mind reader) of knowing author’s real intentions at that moment, so you’re not qualified in the least to proclaim that the author had nailed it (or hadn’t nail it). Only the author knows for sure.
Ergo, your post is as useful and contains as much beneficial information as claiming that tuna sandwiches on average tend to taste like tuna sandwiches.
Martial
on 14 Nov 08Authorial intention is irrelevant. Only the recipient of a comment can tell whether the comment communicates.
Something I see a fair amount: a person begins to talk and they begin to fidget at the same time. They have extreme difficulty getting to the point, circling and circling. If they can stop moving, they can usually be direct and clear.
If you’re having trouble making yourself clear, perhaps you’re fidgeting. Take a deep breath, still your extremities (put both feet on the floor and keep them there, stop shifting your weight, empty your hands and rest them on the table or clasp them together), look someone (anyone!) in the eye, and say your piece.
Martial
on 14 Nov 08Hmm. And sigh. I thought, yet failed, to label the first paragraph of my post above with “PostStucturalist type=”deconstruction ” ”. It would have been funnier, I promise.
This discussion is closed.