Studies of conversation both in the laboratory and in natural settings show that when two people are talking, the mere presence of a phone on a table between them or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel. People keep the conversation on topics where they won’t mind being interrupted. They don’t feel as invested in each other. Even a silent phone disconnects us.
We’ve gotten used to being connected all the time, but we have found ways around conversation — at least from conversation that is open-ended and spontaneous, in which we play with ideas and allow ourselves to be fully present and vulnerable. But it is in this type of conversation — where we learn to make eye contact, to become aware of another person’s posture and tone, to comfort one another and respectfully challenge one another — that empathy and intimacy flourish. In these conversations, we learn who we are.
Chris
on 13 Oct 15It’s Sherry Turkle.
JZ
on 13 Oct 15Blaming autocorrect for that one! Thanks, Chris.
Mike Biddle
on 13 Oct 15A lot of people want to send text messages or even argue via SMS too! All sorts of things have changed the way we interact with each other, even something as simple as air conditioning. People use to sit outside on the porch or spend time with family outdoors because it was too hot and stuffy indoors.
Wacko
on 14 Oct 15Isn’t that an argument against remote work then?
JZ
on 14 Oct 15@Wacko – it might very well be. We do a few things at Basecamp that may be mitigating the effects. We all get together a few times a year in person (some individual teams get together more often than that), we also use video chat extensively when face-to-face collaboration is necessary. One important takeaway for me in this quote is that part of the solution is being fully present (and not on your phone) not matter how you’re communicating with someone else, and as @Mike Biddle alludes, this isn’t just about work. Quality conversation with friends and family is even more important than with your co-workers. Again, put away the phone, look someone in the eye and be in the conversation.
Anonymous Coward
on 15 Oct 15Great tip Jason. And I’m gulty: I often put the phone on the table during a conversation. I always catch someone that’s not engage in the conversation, and I usually hate it. I am way less good at catching myself doing that.
Luca
on 15 Oct 15The anonymous coward above is Luca, sorry I forgot to write my name.
This discussion is closed.