Sometimes people use important-sounding words to seem more impressive. Sometimes they use complex sentence structures too. Check out this opening line from an email we received:
[Redacted] creates the conditions for experimentation and quantitative understanding of the impact of novel management practices in large companies.
The sentence is structured like this: “We create _____ for _____ and _____ of _____ of _____ in _____.” It’s tough to have anything make sense within that structure.
Unsurprisingly, the rest of the email goes on to mention terms like strategic planning, competitive intelligence, thought partners, management behavior, orthodoxies, and change management.
Then it ends with, “Let me know your thoughts.” Er, I think I’m not sure what you’re trying to say.
Micheal
on 04 Feb 08I would be curious to know how many emails 37signals receives per week from people trying to sell directly to them using business mambo-jumbo like above.
mgroves
on 04 Feb 08Maybe it’s too much time in business school, but the only thing that I didn’t understand is “novel management practices”. Otherwise, yeah, it’s speaking in abstract generalities, but I guess some people eat that stuff up.
Anon
on 04 Feb 08This reminds me of a job posting that a company I used to work for recently posted —a job that used to be part of “Marketing” was now part of the “Customer Acquisition and Retention Dept.” Glad to see that the new senior management is working hard on changes that’ll be critical to turning the business around!
COD
on 04 Feb 08I’d imagine they could do a rather interesting blog just by making fun of the inane incoming emails they get. I’d read it!
Note to self: never pitch 37 Signals by email….
Greg
on 04 Feb 08Are “novel management practices” those used by Librarians and bookshop workers?
Justin
on 04 Feb 08I wonder if there is an “optimal” sentence word length that could help sniff out bad writing. If you go by the assumption that smaller, elegant sentences carry more weight than oversaturated, wordy ones it’d be a neat experiment to try to pin down an algorithm for it. I’d love to have an Outlook plugin that catches me by saying “this sentence is 21 words long and uses 4 conjunctions!” or “did you really just say synergize?” =)
Micheal
on 04 Feb 08@Justin
I imagine if you searched for words like “competitive” or “strategic” in an email and found occurrences – you could automatically flag the message as spam and have very few false positives.
Raza Imam
on 04 Feb 08Translation:
“Big companies do things that you don’t. You should try doing what they do.
We’ll make you tons of cash if you do what we say. Trust us, we’re very smart.
By the way, English is our second language.”
Raza Imam http://BoycottSoftwareSweatshops.com
Dave Stern
on 04 Feb 08It’s actually kind of an interesting exercise to think how you would rewrite this sentence if you were trying to make meaning clear, rather than cloud it.
Without any of the (probably well deserved) snark that Raza put on his spin, I’d go with something like the following:
“[Redacted] helps large companies experiment with new management techniques and quantify the results.”
As a first pass, that seems pretty good, it takes away the verbed nouns and “two words where one will do” constructions that mark business nonsense. I see some problems still though. “Large companies” doesn’t make much sense if you know anything about 37signals, and I feel like “management techniques” wants to be condensed, but I’m not sure how (depends exactly what they mean by that, I suppose). I think the best I can get it down to without spending real time or having knowledge of what they do is the following.
“[Redacted] helps companies experiment with new management techniques and quantify the results.”
Anyone else want to take a crack? I’d be interested in seeing what people come up with.
Walt Kania
on 04 Feb 08Sad to say, but companies adore talking about themselves this way. It doesn’t impress clients, but they believe it does. And they are willing to pay writers handsomely to concoct such phrases.
It also helps hide the fact they aren’t doing anything remarkable. The above sentence translates, in real-world language, to:
“We help companies try all sorts of different things, and help them figure out which things (if any) actually work.”
Hard to win a fat ‘engagement-fee’ for that.
More fundamental problem: It’s rude and boring to begin an email talking about yourself and your company.
Dani Nordin
on 06 Feb 08I have to wonder who actually came up with that sentence. Seeing e-mails like this always bothers me because they seem to forget that there’s an actual PERSON reading this e-mail – and anyone who took the time to learn anything about me personally would know that I don’t even think of responding to something that sounds like that.
This is one of my pet peeves in e-mail marketing (and all marketing for that matter) – this lack of research. I get three-times-monthly e-mails now from random salespeople asking me if they can “fill my IT needs,” and I’m a one-person shop. Have been for two years. Why do I need an IT person?
This discussion is closed.